


A Long Way Up To Recovery

by scarfy36



Category: Hit the Floor (TV)
Genre: Depression, Domestic Fluff, Established Relationship, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-29
Updated: 2016-11-29
Packaged: 2018-09-03 01:12:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8690722
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarfy36/pseuds/scarfy36
Summary: Zero has depression. Most days he's fine, but he can't hide it forever. Zero doesn't like talking about it, but Jude has a way of making him open up.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I'll probably end up adding to this series but for now it's just snapshots of a couple of days in Zero's life with Jude (originally posted on my tumblr)
> 
> title from Recovery by Frank Turner

The blaring alarm woke Jude up and he groaned into his pillow. He reached an arm across to poke Zero, first in his arm before finding his face to poke his cheek.

“Turn your alarm off,” he moaned. He squinted his eyes open a crack to see the sun was barely up. “Too early.”

Zero blindly felt around for his phone and switched the alarm off. He contemplated the time on the screen before sitting up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.

At the movement Jude rolled over to sling an arm around Zero’s torso, trying to keep him there. “Don’t get up," Jude complained. “Come back to bed.”

“I have to go to the gym,” he replied lifting Jude’s arm from around him, squeezing his hand briefly before placing it back on the bed as he stood up. “You’re welcome to join me.”

Jude shot him an unimpressed look.

“Fine, join me in the shower when I get back, then,” Zero suggested. The corners of Jude’s mouth perked up in a smile and Zero grinned back. He leant down, giving Jude a quick kiss goodbye before leaving him to get another hour’s sleep.

*

"Jude could you grab that report for me? It's on the top shelf," Lionel asked, looking up from the computer on her desk.

As he reached up to grab the folder his shirt got untucked – he knew it was too small but he couldn't bring himself to throw it away – revealing a few inches of skin and Lionel let out a gasp.

"What's that on your stomach, Jude?" she asked, knowing very well what the answer is.

He pulled his shirt down quickly, his face still blushing red at the memory of exactly how he got those marks on his stomach last night.

"It's nothing," he said just as quickly, turning his attention back to the report in his hand. "Here. What records were you after?"

"Oh no, you are not changing the subject," she interrupted him. "Zero's doing that to you?"

"They’re hickeys, Lionel, jeez calm down about it."

"I thought you said he wasn't the possessive type," she quirked an eyebrow at him, recalling their conversation from months ago.

"I was wrong," Jude said, still blushing. "Can we get back to the reports?"

"Just make sure they stay where no one can see them, the press would have a field day," she said. "And that goes for you too, it’s not a good look if our starter looks like a horny teenager."

"Duly noted," he nodded. "The reports?"

*

"So Lionel gave me a lecture about hickeys today," Jude said, looking up from his laptop and over to where Zero was sitting beside him watching TV.

"Why would she do that?" Zero looked back at him, his expression curious.

"I wore that shirt that's too small and she saw, you know,” Jude’s face started blushing, “what you did last night. "

"Oh," Zero said, a smirk spreading across his face. "What did she say?"

"She told me to keep them out of sight, she doesn't want us looking like horny teenagers."

"But we are so horny," Zero said, leaning over to press a kiss to Jude’s neck.

"And you are so possessive. "

"You're mine now,” he said between kisses. “I'm allowed to–"

"Mark your territory?"

Zero pulled back, looking at Jude with eyebrows furrowed. "That make it sound like I'm gonna piss on you.”

"Gross," Jude laughed.

Zero pulled off his t-shirt, grinning. "Anywhere the jersey will cover is fair game?"

Jude just laughed and leant in for another kiss.

And if Zero's jersey slipped in the next game and some gossip magazines think they could see a hickey on his chest, well maybe Jude wanted to remind people that Zero was _his_ too.

 

 

***

 

 

Zero was still in bed, waiting for Jude to finish up in the bathroom. He was absentmindedly flicking through sports news on his phone when Jude returned, half dressed for the day.

"Hey, are these yours?" Jude held up the packet in his hand. “I found them on the sink.”

Zero looked up, eyes catching on the pill bottle in Jude’s hand. "Yeah, they’re mine. I must have left them in there, sorry." He tried to make his voice sound casual, but he could tell Jude wasn’t convinced. Zero got up from the bed and stood, crossing his arms against his chest.

"It's fine, I just didn't know you were on medication," Jude said.

"It's no big deal, Jude. Just drop it." Zero snatched the pills out of Jude’s hand and stormed into the bathroom, shutting the bathroom door behind himself.

Jude let him go, sensing he’d hit a nerve, but he hoped with time Zero would open up to him.

*

Jude waited until the following night to bring it up again. They were laying in bed and Zero seemed to be in a good mood so he rolled onto his side to face the other man.

"Can we talk about your medication?" Jude asked tentatively. He kept his voice quiet and cautious as he tried to read the expression on Zero’s face in the half-dark room. "I just want to know if it's something serious, I didn't think you were keeping things from me."

Zero shifted up onto an elbow to look at Jude.

"I'm not keeping things from you, I just didn't mention it,” he said. “I'm fine, it's not like I'm dying or anything."

"Then what are they for?" Jude pushed.

Zero sighed, running a hand through his hair. "They're anti-depressants. I've been on and off them since I was in college and I've started taking them again."

"I had no idea," Jude said, his face fell but his voice was gentle. His hand found Zero’s and squeezed. "You know you can talk to me, right? About anything."

"I know,” Zero said, not looking at him. “But you've got enough on your plate with Oscar and Lionel."

"I still want to help you. We're in this together, remember?"

Zero nodded. "I promise it's not a big deal. The fact that I’m on the meds at all means that I know when I need help."

"Good." Jude leant across and Zero met him halfway for a kiss. He knew Zero was better at showing his feelings through physical touch rather than words, so Jude let him. Zero put all of his reassurances into the kiss and Jude knew that they were done talking about this for now, but maybe in the future Zero would come to him.

 

 

***

 

 

Jude was used to waking up alone, Zero having already left to get an early start at the gym or gone for a morning run. He’d trained himself to ignore Zero’s alarm and sleep the extra hour until his own would chime.

He was used to it, so when he woke up one morning and Zero was still there he started counting the days in his head. His rest day wasn’t long ago, and the game was still a few days away. When Jude rolled over to find him facing away he knew the other man hadn’t stayed for morning sex. He tried not think too much of it as he got up and started getting ready for work.

When he returned from the shower and Zero still hadn’t moved, Jude cautiously sat back down on his side of the bed. “Are you okay?” he asked the back of Zero’s head.

“Not getting up today,” was the reply he got, muffled by the covers Zero had buried himself in.

Jude reached a hand over, placing it gently on Zero’s shoulder. “Is everything okay, did something happen?”

“Everything’s fine,” Zero said, frustration edging into his tone. “I’m just not getting up today.”

Jude knew not to push it, especially after the conversation they had a few weeks ago. “Okay,” he said. “I’m leaving for work now, I’ll tell them you’ve got a 24 hour bug or something. If you need anything, please call me.”

He hesitated before getting up, not expecting a response, but halfway to the door he heard Zero speak again. “Thanks, Jude.”

*

Coach wasn’t impressed when Jude told him Zero was out sick, but Jude’s insistence that he’d be back to peak health for the next game helped.

If Lionel noticed how distracted he was she didn’t mention it, but Jude felt like the end of the day couldn’t come fast enough.

When he got home he went straight to the bedroom. Zero was still in bed, but there was an empty cereal bowl beside him and his hair was wet from a shower, so he had moved since the morning. He was sitting up on Jude’s side, half under the covers with a laptop playing a movie in front of him. He closed the computer when Jude walked in, but avoided eye contact.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Jude asked.

“Not really,” Zero answered, eyes locked on Jude’s kneecap. “But I guess I owe you an explanation.”

“Hey, you don’t owe me anything.”

“It’s okay, Jude, sometimes I just need to take the day,” he said, and finally looked up at Jude. “I guess I should have warned you or something. Some days I just wake up feeling completely numb and I know that I’m not going to be able to do anything that day.”

Jude sat down on the end of the bed. “This is why I don’t let people in,” Zero continued. “No one needs to see this – I hate being like this, feeling so useless. I just need for the day to be over.” He sighs and looks away again.

“Thank you,” Jude said. “For letting me in.”

“Just don’t make a big deal of it, okay? I’ll be fine tomorrow and we can forget all about it.”

“Okay,” Jude nodded. “Can I ask who else knows?”

“Coach knows, and the team doctor,” Zero answered. “They need to know any medication I’m on. And my therapist from college, I still have skype sessions with her sometimes.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sometimes you see parts of yourself in characters and have to write fanfiction about it. As someone who's bisexual and living with mental illness, I see a lot of myself in Zero.
> 
> find me on tumblr on [my personal blog](http://scarfy36.tumblr.com) and [my hit the floor blog](http://gideonkinkade.tumblr.com)


End file.
